Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Bernie Madoff Has A "Tiny Penis"; Ex-Lover Tells All

This is too f'ing funny. Sorry to all the kids out there, but if Bloomberg can publish it, we can publish it.

Here's a choice excerpt from the Bloomberg article:

“Bernie had a very small penis,” she wrote. “Not only was it on the short side, it was small in circumference. That he was now pointing it out to me was telling. It clearly caused him great angst. I wanted to be careful how I responded. Men and their penises have a strange and unique relationship.”

Still, she said: “I liked this man and didn't want to emasculate him. His tiny penis hadn't prevented me from climaxing.”

“On the bright side,” she concluded, because of its size, “oral sex would be a breeze.”

‘On Fire’
“When we made love, I was on fire,” Weinstein said. “Bernie was a release valve, someone I could disappear with for a few hours. Somebody who would say nice things to me and treat me like a lady. He was an older man, and he was chivalrous. He opened doors for me, stood when I entered restaurants and was never short on compliments.”

In the middle of the affair, Weinstein wrote, Bernie professed his love for her at the Hilton Hotel.

“Usually, we’d spend three or four hours talking, eating, and making love,” she wrote. “I was getting myself together and Bernie was already dressed and pulling his coat from the closet. He was about to walk out the door when suddenly he turned back to look at me. ‘Sheryl, you know I love you.’”

Her fantasies of a whirlwind romance in Europe and staying in five-star hotels began to end. The realities of an affair between two married people took root.

“I knew in my heart of hearts that this was never going to be anything more than it was, simply an affair,” she wrote. “But there was a part of me that wanted Bernie for myself. I wanted to be number one.”